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All hail the Fatshionista

A little while back I expressed the notion of performing femininity.

Lesley does a better job!

On dressing femme

As well, it relates a bit to something else about myself that I'm thinking about more now that I'm moving into more of the Fat Acceptance sphere of the intertubes.

I'm fat to some and thin to others.  I'm not welcome to take photos of my outfits and post them on fatshionista sites, because I'm far too small.  But I'm a size 8-ish, and short, which means...what?  I guess it means I'm not thin either.  But I know if I was a few sizes larger it would be unquestionably suckier; I'm not saying I really need to be let into the fat girl clubhouse.

Or something. 

Really, I think the thing is that pretty much every women thinks that her body isn't right in some way.  Or many ways.

I used to work at a high-end swimsuit store in Yorkville.  I really saw how much women hated themselves.  So many women who thought the police would show up or something if they wore a bikini at the beach.  Young, old, whatever shape.  Didn't matter what they actually looked like.

You can't have the Right Body anyway.  The concept is stupid.  Sure, there's a general standard of slim, maybe blonde and blue-eyed or something.  But put any ten people in a room and ask them to name people who are perfect, and they won't have the same answers.  Obviously.  Hell, I always thought Jessica Biel has a fantastic body, but so many people have snarked about how muscular and manly she is.  Vomit!

Another thing that's helped me feel better about myself is sleeping around, actually.  Somehow, after high school I had the impression that I was fairly unattractive.  Not hideous; but fat and plain.  I suppose it was due to comparing myself to everyone else and thinking they were so much prettier*.  And the fact that guys were interested in them**.

Fucking made me realize that hey, guess what?  Real guys didn't see me like that.  They obviously thought I was attractive.  So I was wrong about myself.

I try not to hate myself.  Some days I fail.  But mostly I realize that I've got a pretty healthy body that can do a lot of fun things, and that's not something to take lightly at all.


*Looking back, I was not fat in the slightest, and I was quite cute if I do say so myself.

**It's possible guys were interested in me, I wouldn't have had a clue.  Sexually frustrated + awkward = no datin'.

Comments

( 4 comments — Leave a comment )
a_clear_job
Feb. 15th, 2010 11:29 am (UTC)
you are so attractive and sexy. xo.
zenten
Feb. 15th, 2010 10:46 pm (UTC)
Another thing that's helped me feel better about myself is sleeping around, actually. Somehow, after high school I had the impression that I was fairly unattractive. Not hideous; but fat and plain. I suppose it was due to comparing myself to everyone else and thinking they were so much prettier*. And the fact that guys were interested in them**.

I have a theory that women who are less attractive (in terms of a statistical model measuring the rating guys of a given population would give as to how attractive the women are) get more overtly hit on than more attractive women. This probably fails at some point where the majority of people would define a woman as outright unattractive, but until that point the more attractive (again, on average rating, or at least perceived average rating) women are also going to be more intimidating, so only those with a high amount of confidence/low fear of rejection will be out and out asking the woman out, while ones who are perceived to have a lower self esteem about their body will be hit on more because they will be perceived as more likely to say yes. Obviously there are other factors playing into this than just attractiveness. But if you eliminate them it makes a lot of sense.
seamonkey_mags
Feb. 15th, 2010 11:58 pm (UTC)
Have you asked any especially attractive women how often they get hit on? I'm sure it's a great deal more than me. Also, I would suggest that men may be socialized to expect women more attractive than themselves -- see: King of Queens, etc.
audrawilliams
Feb. 16th, 2010 05:15 pm (UTC)
This is a really interesting blog post from the OkCupid folks, about attractiveness levels and getting messages through the site.
( 4 comments — Leave a comment )

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